It was as though I had left Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde had taken his place. The next thing I knew, Ted was shouting and pulling at Paddy, trying to get him off the bed as my normally laid-back hound bared his teeth in warning. The easy atmosphere of the evening had suddenly become very menacing. I reached out to soothe Paddy but he wrenched himself from my grasp and leapt after my husband. I followed as quickly as I could, only to find them both on the floor in the kitchen of our static caravan with Paddy’s powerful jaws clamped around Ted’s upper arm. Why was he behaving so out of character?

I grabbed my dog by the collar and he span round, biting the index finger of my left hand in his panic, but I was so intent on defusing the situation that I never even felt it. My whole focus was on safely resolving an incident that was rapidly escalating out of control.
Suddenly, Paddy gave the softest of whimpers and the light left his eyes. The last thing he saw in this world was not the rage clouding Ted’s face but the love and grief in my own eyes as I had to say goodbye to my beautiful boy. For that small mercy, I am eternally grateful. Paddy was dead, but I couldn’t work out how or why – until I noticed that my arm was covered in way too much blood to have come from my bitten finger.

Then I saw the blade, still clutched in Ted’s right hand. He had killed my dog with a knife that he would admit, as we waited for the emergency services to arrive, had been intended for me. He’d suffered a deadly mood swing in the moments between my going into the bedroom and him locking up and following. And Paddy had given his life to protect me…

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We can always choose how to react to such situations. When we decide to forgive the person who has hurt us, we are giving ourselves the gift of peace of mind. That person might have done wrong, but planning revenge and letting anger consume us isn’t going to change the situation and it isn’t going to help us move forward. Anger may seem an internal emotion but it can also be sensed and seen by others, affecting all our relationships; it ties us to the past and prevents us from enjoying the present moment. It’s difficult to think clearly and make plans when we are focused on the unfairness of life and the nastiness of others. Letting go and practising forgiveness returns our focus to where it’s most needed.

I confess that I didn’t find it easy at first. How could I move on from the trauma of seeing a much-loved pet killed in front of me as he tried to protect me? It was challenging to say the least, and in those awful early weeks my first instinct was to turn away from the spiritual path that had brought me so much comfort and peace during the years of living with Ted’s illness. It seemed as though, while I was doing the inner work and striving to be the best version of myself, life just carried on regardless. The more I tried to live positively, the more negativity came my way.

Gradually, though, I began to process the warnings that had foreshadowed Paddy’s passing and I came to see them as signposts to healing, valuable lessons that nothing is ever as it seems. It made me realise that sometimes we need to look hard and deeply in order to recognise the truth before us. There are countless situations where we may need to exercise forgiveness, and I’m sure many readers are saying, “I can forgive, but I can never forget what happened.” I’ve certainly said that myself a number of times over the years.

It was only when I began to learn more about how energy works that I finally realised that, once those words are uttered, any hopes of true forgiveness have left the building. If we accept that everything has energy, then every interaction we have, whether good or otherwise, is also energy which means that remembering past hurts keeps us attached to the negative past situations and prevents us from moving forward with our lives and reclaiming our joy. Clearly, if something really bad has happened we are unlikely literally to forget all about it; but what we need to do is find a way to reduce its importance and effect on us. I believe true forgiveness can help us do that…

One of my spiritual mentors is big on forgiveness, calling it ‘a sacred gift to oneself’. True forgiveness is liberating because it frees us from the energetic attachments of the past. Of course, it’s not as easy as just telling someone you forgive them and leaving it at that, rather it’s like removing layers from an onion. Each layer that peels away uncovers a different surface, which can bring further challenges, so forgiveness is something that needs to be practised often and from the heart. Yet it need not take a long time, and it can be done anywhere, provided we can focus both heart and mind on the matter in hand.

Moreover, our most testing times can also be ideal opportunities to learn essential lessons about ourselves and others if we are open to the possibility. When the dust settles, we can reflect on these experiences and re-evaluate our soul’s journey…

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